he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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