What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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