Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
