And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
