Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
