We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
