so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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