One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
