no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
