Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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