So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Randomize
