i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
