Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
