Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
