A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
its liver damage thursday
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
