So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
