Grow some girl-balls and come out already
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
