I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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