he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Why did my mother make you get naked?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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