Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You're like the curious george of whores
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
