Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
