yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
