it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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