I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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