I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
