he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
