I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
