I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
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