He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
