I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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