Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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