hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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