The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
