are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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