I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
