Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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