it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
