Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I will pee on everything he values.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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