In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
