problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Randomize
