I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
