i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
