The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
