im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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