Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
