dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
