I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
