White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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