if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
