your thong is hanging out like whoa
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
