Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
