I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
