I will die if light touches me.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
