I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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